I'm More Than That

As seen on TV..  I can’t help it..  Those 4 words draw me over every time!  If I haven’t tried it, I know someone who has.  My son was born with this gene as well.  From a young age, he would ask for the strangest things for Christmas and for his birthday.  The Sham Wow,  The Pizzazz, “Set it and Forget it”..  One year all he wanted was a Ginsu ceramic knife. No way was I getting a 6 yr old a Ginsu knife for Christmas.  Somehow, he talked my mother in to getting it for him.  You know why a 6 yr old wants a Ginzu knife for Christmas?  So he can regift it to his mom.  I still have have it in the original package.  A memory I will always cherish.  My mom passed a away almost 2 yrs ago.  She and My son were partners in crime always. Now, just the other day, I saw this ASOTV item that is supposed to make your smile perfect.  The picture looked feasible enough.  I am in between dental procedures so I though...

We’ve all heard the commercial...  So much stuff, not enough space... It echos in my head.  I hold on to things.  They are my memories.  Just like the pictures I take, almost every object I own have a distinct memory attached to it.  Sometimes it is just the place and time it was purchased.  Or who was with me when I bought it. Some things have been handed down or have been gifts.  I still have this stupid little plastic “trophy” that I received in 4th grade.  I came in second place in a reading contest.  Everyone knew they wouldn’t beat the person who won first, but I was gonna try!  I tried so hard that I even cheated.  Yep!  I keep a trophy I won by cheating.  Well,  I won second place fair and square but after I secured my place, I passed my numbers with reading the first and last chapters along with the back covers of  about a hundred books.  I could have read them but I had family responsibilities be...

When I was little , I loved to read.  It was my escape from my reality.  My favorite books to read at times were the ones where you could rewrite your steps and pick different paths.  I wanted the best for my characters.  I wanted them to have great memories and great lives.   I wonder what life would be like if we could go back to page 5 and pick B instead of A.  Or if life were like playing the popular board game where you pick a career or collage and move around the board making choices.  Win or lose, you can always play again and make different choices.   I have decided to stop wondering what it would be if I’d picked a different choice and start making them.  I am stepping out of my box and going to see what my anxieties have been keeping me from.  I want to spread my wings and fly like I have always dreamed I could.   Ok, back to reality!  I really do want to fly and step out of these chains of anxiety that b...

It has been almost 7 years since I wrote the 4th of July post.  It was such a rough time in our life’s. I even forgot to hit the publish button.  Or maybe I didn’t.  Maybe at that time in my life I was afraid to speak out on how mental health issues effected our lives.; And how medical issues effect our mental health.  Maybe, I just got too busy being a family.  Whatever it was, we had been through a lot of ups and downs. I ended the last blog with a note about counseling.  I cannot stress enough to find a counselor.  For your self, for both of you as a couple, for your family.  Find what you need and do it.  I don’t think we would have made it this far if it wasn’t for a few amazing people to talk us down and give us perspective.  See, I have PTSD as well. It may not be from military but that fight or flight response still as strong as it was 30-40 yrs ago.  Triggers slap me in the face when I least expect it.  I have gone...

Written July 2010: 4th of July Celebration and struggles The 4th of July. A day to celebrate freedom. The freedom my husband and every solder throughout history has fought for. Only we dont get to celebrate for long this year. You see, with PTSD, triggers are everywhere. One of the triggers for my husband's PTSD is explosions. This year, we thought he would be ok to go to a family BBQ with a small fireworks display afterwards. Not thinking much more about it, we went on with our week after the 4th. Boy were things rough! The fighting, anger, arguing escalated quickly. It took me all week asking myself what happened, what have we done different to trigger this outburst of anger. THEN it hit me! I felt so stupid! What was supposed to be a great day of family and friends (and it was) had left behind an aftermath of nightmares, anger, outbursts and fights. It is now 10 days later and things have settled back to a tollerable level. It just goes to show that with PTSD, we can NEV...